Thief, Ole, Carry am go.

So Controversy wrote a hilarious post about his (privileged) encounter with armed robbers and it sent me down memory lane. Believe it or not, we’ve been visited 4 different times while at the same house! We lived in Surulere at that time, next to some mechanic shop like this and on one occassion, it was actually the mechanics that came t rob us! Best believe after the 2nd time, we started lookin for a new house.

I can’t remember the exact order in which they happened, but I do remember the most violent encounter. My elder brother had just been released from the hospital, he was still pretty weak and the arm that had his I.V was still tender and swollen. We got a new driver while he was away, so when my stepmum told him to go outside and give the driver some money, he really didn’t kno hu t expect. Naturally, when he opend the gate and saw a man standing ther, he assumed it was the driver. The man collected the money and pointed a gun at him. My daft brother, thinkin it was fake, grabbed the gun and started laughing. The man pulled his gun away and hit my brother at his I.V spot *ouch* and my bro collapsed.

About 5 men appeared out of nowher, 2 carried my brother while the other 2 almost broke the door down. I have no idea what happened next, but my whole family was on the floor in the sitting room in less than a minute. The room was silent except for my stepmum crying coz she thot my bro was dead. They went about trashing the place and packing everything they thot was worth somethin. The main guy (the gun wielder) was now collecting jewellery and whatever else we had on our person. When he reached my mum’s sister who was stayin with us, he started shouting cz apparently she wouldnt giv up some ring (I found out later that her father had given it t her a few weeks before he passed). the dude, pulled her up and was trying to pull off the ring from her finger. My aunt, feeling sharp, now quickly removed it and put it in her mouth. Big mistake. The guy vexed and started raining heavy slaps upon slaps on this poor womans face.

“You musto spit out dis ring today!”

Lemme digress a bit. D’u kno this hairstyle that used t reign back in the 90’s? The one that looks lyk a basket upside down? Yh, dt one. So my mother had done that hairstyle that morning. Ladies, u know when ur hair is braided so tight that when you blink, u feel ur scalp moving forward too? Eh hen, that’s how taut mumsy’s scalp was.

So as this guy was slapping the life out of my aunty, my mother too vexed and got up to move her sister away, or was it the man? I dunno. Before she could do anythin, gbosa! one of the robbers hit her in the middle of her head with the back of the gun. Everythin started moving in slow motion.

As my mother was falling down, my father was chargin at the man that hit her.

As my father was charging, one of the men was raising his gun at him.

As the man was raising his gun, my other brother and I were lunging at the his feet.

Gbam! My mother fell, her head was bleeding. My father pushed the man to the wall, one of the dudes hit him in his face with the back of the gun. I bit one of the mans legs while my brother pulled at the other.

The man fell, and two others grabbed my bro nd I and flung us away. He started shouting and reaching for his gun

“I will keel deez pikins today!”

The gun wielder, who by now I think is the leader, now told him to “Sharrap and kuku start to dey move”, apparently they hadnt planned on killing anyone that night. They packed our their stuff and eventually left.

We rushed to the hospital afterwards. My brother got readmitted, he was fine. My mother got stitches on her head, she was fine too. My little sister wasn’t fine oh, she was upset, “Who is goin to clean the blood on the carpet?” Lol, silly girl, wat did she kno? she was only 5. My father also got stitches on his lip, he was aaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnngggggggrrrrrrrrryyyyyyy at guess hu?

No, not the robbers.

At my brother and I.

O_O

In hindsight,  I can totally see wat he was angry about. We coulda gotten killed or beaten up. But I’m thinkin the gun’s were either fake or had no bullets bcoz with all the 007 we were tryna do, normal robbers would’ve shot someone something. But mehn, the thing shook the household for a few weeks oh. That was the last tym thieves came to our house thow, I’m sure word on the street was that we too dey try stunts! either that or we moved out before they could plan another one.

I’ll do part 2-4 another tym. I gats t go t bed now. Skul tmao.

Hope y’all had a great weekend

xx

I Am Not Dead.

My lovely Blogsville kontiri peopl!!

Oh how I hav meeeeeezed u all!

O boi, una don take bloggin steroids?? the small 2 weeks I was away for, some of you updated lyk 4/5 times a day! *side-eye to Myne Whitman* I had like 180 sumn unread items on my google reader. Ejo, take it easy on me, I’ve managed t reduce it t lyk 28 or sumn. But make una no vex if I kno fit comment, I tried my possible best!

Nyhooooz, I apologize 4 bein outta touch, it seems my electronic devices have all decided to rebel against me. My dearest laptop, has been falling apart little by little, finally it decided to stop working all tgetha. I took it t the repair shop last week and this is what they told me:

White guy with greasy hair: We did a general check up and it appears that the problem is with the sumn sumn sumn in the sumn sumn sumn that is sumn sumn sumn mother board *I no sabi techie talk now, but when I hear mother board, my heart sank, it’s NEVER a gud thin wen they mention mother board*Also the sumn sumn sumn seems t have sumn sumn sumn which affected the sumn sumn sumn hard drive and the sumn sumn sumn which slows down its efficiency. And I’m thinkin we’re gonna have to replace the keyboard.

Me: *biko, how many things want t attack this laptop at once* Can you fix it??

WGwGH: Well ma’am, we can definately try, but we cant guarantee that it’s gonna work. Don’t worry, we wont charge you if we can’t. But if we do succeed, it’ll b about $400.

Me: Ok. so how long is that gonna take? I kinda need it for school so the faster you can-

WGwGH: Well….*I did not like this pause at aaaaallll* the thing is ma’am, it might take us about 3/4 weeks…and, even if we fix it, ther’s a high possibility that it can stop working again *mo gbe* these kind of problems usually can’t be fixed permanently…

Me: EHN! My friend, r u high?? u want me t spend $400 in this recession, to fix something that’ll spoil again?! Ori e ti fo, You are a mad man! its not me u’ll be using to get ur christmas bonus. Come on, give me my laptop lemme gerrout of here!!

Ok, u kno I ddnt say that, but I was close! I called the folks t break the bad news t them. My mother the economist, decided that since my father just bought a new laptop the previous week, I should wait till I come back in december to come and take that one. smh*, that woman won’t kill me, she knows I’m taking a programming course this semester oh, I dunno how she wants me t do that one without laptop. After several minutes of convincin her that this cannot wait, I got a “Hold on, talk to your father.” which means she’s tired of arguing with me but will still push t get her way. At the end of the convo, we agreed that they’ll send the money asap, but in the meantime, I should find an alternative.

So this is me, slinking around in the library at ungodly hours, t read blogs and update my FB

My cellphone has become a diva. today it’ll come on, but no service. tmao ther’s service, but the battery keeps dying every 5 mins. And just when everythin seemed t b goin well, my line gets disconnected cz I fget t pay my bill. Oh how I miss mtn nd glo recharge cards…

My iPod too, is not t b left out! It has Multiple Personality Disorder! For example; if I select “the watcher” to play, it will show “Moment of clarity” when its actually playing “Popping tags”!!! And the time bar, abi kilon pe, will be goin accordingly! I’ve given up on it…

**Chinchin hunnay, I’ll take this tym to send u a get well soon shout out. I tried calling you with a pay phone but odikwa very complex. I meez ur crazyness!

Pusoro, I think I’m really gonna start sending those messenger pigeons since I no longer have skype. I feel lyk we havnt spoken in ages!**

On the brighter side, my techie friend/the next Bill Gates says he can make the laptop work again. Not fix it, but work. and its gonna be really sloooooow. Beggar no get choice now, so I willingly accepted. so by Gods grace, I’ll resume bloggin and stalking y’all regularly by next weekend. And some of my friends, knowing my love 4 music and extremely tired of hearing my constant complaints about lack of music on-the-go, decided to buy me a zune. As Controversy said, “Never let a good crisis go to waste”

Lol, I love my friends..

Hope y’all are having a great week!

*kisses*

If I had one wish…I’d wish for a million more

xt: What do u want?

~B~: Ice cream

xt: Out of life?

~B~: hmmm…

~B~: in wat sense?

xt: Picture urself 30 years from now

~B~: Oooo

~B~: I’d b tall!!

~B~:

~B~: ok

~B~: seriously

~B~: um…

~B~: I.S.A *

~B~: I’d hav my own ngo

~B~: I’d hav a recycling plant or wuld hav made enuff noise that someone wuld hav one…either ways I’d b involved

~B~: I may b married with kids

~B~: I’d hav gotten my mother dt darn car she keeps ooglin

~B~: I’d hav a farm

~B~: and/or a greenhouse

~B~: I’d hav some sort of institution or could b part of my ngo, wher nigerians learn nd kno their rights

~B~: nd I’d hav helpd naija’s shapin in some way

xt: Hmmm

xt: Admirable

xt: That’s quite a goal

xt: U do know thats a hell of a wish list ba?

~B~: nd I’m one hell of a person

*I.S.A is an acronym for Insha Allah which is arabic for by Gods grace.

Trouble Sleeping..

So school is back in session tommorrow and I’m still not ready for it. My sleeping pattern is as unstable as PHCN. I’m usually awake till 9/10 am and when I decide t get up and start the day, some sort of overwhelming weariness descends upon me that I instantly go t sleep! Consequently, I wake up earliest 4pm and I’ve got shitloads of stuff to do, so I have t rush thru them b4 evrywher closes. Meaning I come home exhausted, but I cnt sleep. Its one vicious cycle and I figured I’d do sumn bout it b4 skul starts.

So I googled the different ways people treated their insomnia. I’m allergic t drugs, so no sleep inducing medicine 4 me, thank u….

One lady recommended drinking hot beverages in the evening. I tried that the other day…nothin. I had bout 5 mugs of hot chocolate in total that night, all that did was make me run to the washroom every 5 mins. And even when I eventually fell asleep during the day, I wasnt completely at rest. I mean I was soooo full of liquid, I was scared I’d wet the bed! At my old age! those of you who’ve had that dream wher u  felt urslf actually go to the washroom and then wake up and find out u ddnt, y’all kno wat I’m tlkin bout…

Another person suggested eating a hearty meal and allowing ‘itis to set in. So I went ahead and made a scrumptious 3 course meal. Fresh fruits, samosas and springrolls for starters, Jollof rice and grilled chicken, potato salad and some chocolate cake to finish it off. Only me! I even had a cup of hot chocolate for extra measure! At this time, I think I had reached the elastic limit of my stomach, see me lukin lyk an expectant mother carryin twins…I barely made it t my bed. I collapsed on my bed expecting t fall asleep in a few minutes…. for wher? I was struggling t breathe! I was so uncomfortable with the full belly, that I hardly got even my daytime sleep! I woke up with a tummy ache and couldn’t even eat for whatever was left of d day…

I decided to give it one last try and listen to someone hu prescribed the old school method of Counting Sheep. I figured the concept behind it was to get ur mind t focus on one thing, which is counting the imaginary sheep, and the monotony of it all eventually gets u tired, ergo sleepy. So I ate a light meal, did all I had t do for the rest of the night, got into bed, cleared my mind and started counting…1…2…3…cute fluffy sheep jumping over a wooden fence. 7…8…9……12…..25…….37……..49………………..83…I think around 187 my over active imagination refused t b repressed any longer and I realized that my sheep were riding Harley’s and doing wheelies & jump stunts over that wooden fence! It ddn’t stop ther oh, mba! Around 623, they were in the Matrix slo-mo. But this tym they were dodging bullets fired from the ‘bad guys’ over the dt same wooden fence. they were getting ambushed so they ran into the nearest farmhouse which turned into a mini ‘Fuji House of Commotion’ where the little children-sheep were putting shaving cream on d unsuspecting daddy-sheep’s (who looked creepily like papa ajasco, complete with the pot belly) head as he slept on the couch…bottom line is, I ddnt reach 1000. I was more awake than ever, giggling helplessly on my bed.

School starts tmao/tday and my first class is at 11am. Its 6AM nd I still havnt had a wink of sleep!! HELP!!!

Tribute To Gani Fawehinmi (1939-2009)

by Sylva Nze Ifedigbo

What if I said PDP is Haram*? Wouldn’t I be unnecessarily looking for trouble? Wouldn’t I be branded a terrorist and the SSS sent off to haunt me? Wouldn’t the most vicious men of the Nigerian army be sent after me and my clan? Wouldn’t my body be pumped with hot lead and brandished before tv cameras as a vivid example of what becomes of a renegade? Wouldn’t I get the same compliments as Mrs. Clinton got after she said the same thing in different words?

What if I really insist that PDP is Haram and deserved the same kind of treatment that they recently meted on the Boko Haram? No, not from the police or the army, but from me and you. What if I had proof to substantiate my claim? Would I get a followership like Yusuf Mohammed, willing and eager to execute my own style terrorism that aims to chase the evil way?

What if I told you that for ten years PDP has done nothing but sing us a two versed poem. Verse one: Reform, Verse two: War on corruption, would you sign up to my unusual agenda? What if I told you that the reforms have been very successful only in the area of turning the reformed into competitive scavengers, recharge card sellers and graduate okada riders? And that the war on corruption has seen the anti corruption body with the eagle eye logo turn into a debt recovery tax force, would you then be convinced of the exigency of my call?

Oh! Sorry, how could I have forgotten so soon? Yeah, indeed there is a third verse to their poem; Rule of law. What if I said it was actually a rule of no law? What if I said there were no rules and no laws? What if I showed you countless news items to prove that? What if I wrote you a dictionary sized book about it all? What if I told you that we were all prisoners of their complete lawlessness? Would you then sign up to my noble course?

What if I told you this particular evil would be everlasting? What if I told you that their sixty years boast is not a bluff? What if I told you that a one party state is closer than we can imagine? What if I gave you Zamfara, Bauchi and Imo as proof? What if I told you Abia is being baited? What if I showed you the rancor in APGA and now PPA as more proof? Would you become as worried as I am?

What if we continued to grumble about our woes in the safety of our bedrooms; daily watching as two pieces of meat reduces to one in our dinner plate until there is none? What if we lamented about the rigged elections, the pot hole infested roads and our mortuary of hospitals until bloods instead of tears flowed down of cheeks? Would it make them change?

What if we all decided to troop to the US and UK embassies daily begging for visa, running to safer climes and shouting from the other side of the fence, would it take away the spot from the leopards skin? What if we decided to Kneel down and pray, calling the name of God more times than the waves of the Atlantic hit the bar beach shores, would it make them to suddenly repent?

What if instead you decided to join me in employing my kind of terrorism? What if we turn those tools at our disposal into fuel bombs? The facebook, tweeter, blogger, and Youtube. What if we stop gossiping on them for a while? What if we stopped spending hours on them chatting with faceless people? What if we sang less of hate songs and beef raps? What if we wrote more, blogged more and sang more against them? Don’t you think they may begin to snore less in their sleep?

What if we did more than just write and sing?, what if a million of us marched down the three arm zone, into the National Assembly to tell them our mind on the issue of Electoral reforms? What if we remain on the road until they grant us audience? What if we carry placards and scream out our demands? Oh yes, the Public order Act! I have not forgotten. But what if we went to court to challenge that obsolete law? What if we resist the police and their rusty guns?, what if we reminded the police that the future of their kids was also threatened by this evil? Don’t you think we might strike a cord?

What if we publish the names of their children and the schools they are attending abroad…and of course, the fees they pay? What if those of us in the Diaspora march out and take our petition to the United Nations. What if we told them our undergraduates have been idling at home for months while they share banters over glasses of sparkling white wine in Wadata Plaza? What if we champion the call for a law that makes it compulsory for their children to attend our public schools? Do you think our teachers and undergraduates will begin to get a fairer deal?

What if we printed pamphlets condemning them? What if we all went down to our villages to talk to the youths? What if we get them to see who is responsible for the uncompleted school project and the higher cost they pay for kerosene? What if we are able to talk them out of carrying arms for them on Election Day? What if we told them to insist on the best candidate? What if we talked to them about insisting that their votes count? What if we got them to resist false results? Would we have to wait for sixty years before the plague disappears?

What if I told you PDP is Haram? What if I am no more guessing but speaking fact? What if I am rounded up for daring to say this? What if they come in a convoy of trucks to seize me? What if they don’t shoot me, but charge me for treason and leave me to languish in “awaiting trial”? What if my ink dries up and my quill breaks? What if my voice cracks and my heart fail? Would you say the things I say today? Will you carry on my struggle?

*Haram – Unlawful

Sex Talk by Open Secret

Now, Baby, I know we’ve only just begun, but you already have me come-ing…
to terms with you.I would love my words to penetrate your body,
break down the walls to your core, open those windows to your soul and… enter in raw
to your spirit, as I explore all the things that you adore,
and give them to you, to ensure that you need me more and more as I make it a must to forge an orgasmic repertoire of melodic moans and groans, lasting longer than Ancient Rome, as I recite romantic poems until your very heart is sore.

I hold you in high regard, so let me pay high regards to your family… of values.
Life is hard when you have nobody to turn to, so when life licks you shots, fall back, and I’ll put promises in to have our seeds, well fertilized, become true dreams.
I am so deeply entrenched in revolutions taking place in your womb, you give birth to the thoughts I assume,
Your whispers cut me down to size, circumcising my lies, so every time I circumvent truth, a part of me dies.
Your glances tease me, your words turn my intellect on, I could continue being cheesy, but you have me too sprung and too happy to think straight, I’m just a member that’s hung…
up on the beauty of your ways and your uncensored Love.

So let me strip off all the questions that clothe your mind and let my oral stimulation be the stimuli that stimulates cerebral masturbation, as I erect lines that hold your heart’s desire.
I wanna grow under your gaze, touch you in so many ways, that by the time I have you swallowing every single word I say, you would have had me blowing my load to your lyrical lingerie as you suck the poetry out of me in metaphorical foreplay.

I wanna undress you, put curtains on the windows to your soul, so that we love-make completely from society’s control.
You know this world is unforgiving, so let me so bold to ask you to hand-jobs to me to help you reach goals,
and even if I foot-jobs that blow- jobs that beat the status quo, jobs so dirty, so anal, they leave the wrong afterglow,
I will address them, and work them, and see them through with pride,
because your love deflowers the hymen of men’s egos, besides
I just love you… and I would do it anyway.
This type of love is so strong… it makes straight men seem gay.

I wanna pluck
roses and daffodils, and lilacs and orchids, and dahlias and lilies, tulips, crocuses and daisies,
I wanna get updates of new flowers coming out daily;
Hell, I wanna be the sub that you dominate, hear the words you ejaculate when you are happy, so I can turn those words into song.
And if that’s not good enough, then I wanna know your favorite dead singer, so that I can recite a poem so epic, it would bring him back to life,
He would sing for you, and I could get down on my knees, and as you tear up in disbelief, I would ask you to be my wife.
I want our discussions to kiss each other they way people do in France, have our love flow more seductively than an exotic dance

And although I know that we have only just begun, I know that I will love you until the end of world is come.
I know that you are the one for me, yes, I know it is true, so I hope that this sex talk is… doing it for you.
I would reel in the Heavens, just so the Angels could tell you that nobody could ever love you the way I already do.
This is the burden that I bear every day of my life, and any sadness in this love beats happiness in strife.

So baby, I know we’ve only just begun, but you already have me come-ing… come-ing… come-ing…

He’s gone and done it again. *le sigh*

For the Lack Of…

something to blog about, I’ve decided to do the ‘30 things about me’ note dt went viral on FB a while ago.

I’m extremely shy. I pretend to be dumb sometimes to make people laugh. I don’t love music, I’m addicted, if music was a person, I’d b d groupie with 2 restraining orders camping out in her garbage can. My self esteem is bipolar. I love cooking and cleaning. I’d rather cook than go clubbing. I’d make the perfect housewife. I could never be a housewife, I love work too much. the majority of Ludacris’ lyrics turn me on, if they were a guy, I’d do him in a heartbeat. I’m a chocoholic. I think I’m bisexual. I sometimes pretend I dont know the lyrics of a song so people’ll stop callin me ‘Walking iTunes’. Contrary to popular belief, I’m a Hausa girl. I hate it when people tell me its not ‘lady-like’ to rap along to a song, not my fault I kno’em. I’ve never eaten seafood (secondary school sardines dnt count) but I’ve decided I dnt like’em. Marriage scares the hell out of me. I dnt think I’d make a good mum. I love horror movies, they dnt faze me. I can’t watch naija horror movies, I wont b able t sleep. I absolutely LOVE butterflies. I’m deathly afraid of cockroaches, give me snakes and lions anyday. Music with banging bass beat turns me on. I hate lying because I totally believe myself. I was scared of Barbie dolls as a kid. At some point, I liked my stepmum more than my mum. I love my stepmum, but I cnt stand her family. Half the time, I dont know what I want, but I know what I don’t want. When it comes to a boyfriend, I usually dnt get jealous. When it comes to a boyfriend, I’m greedy. I’d rather read a book than watch tv.

Now you know me better

Arise, O Compatriots..

Damn…

even with all the gbese happening back home, I still luv Naija die!  I hate the way we’re potrayed as a country thow; we’re all either starving or scamming dumb folk abroad. this is the Nigeria they don’t show you;

Gurara Falls, Niger State

Olumo Rock, Abeokuta State

Central Mosque, Abuja State

Obudu Cattle Ranch, Cross River State

*le sigh* ther’s no place like home…

Crying, Comics & Cartoons

Arrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!
Blogsville!!
Since when did society deem it okay for grown ass men to CRY??!! In public?!
Even women, I can barely handle, tlkless of men!!
FYI, this is NOt double standards, it is scientifically proven that women are more emotional than men, but even that one I have t do ‘woo-sah’ so I wont scream at them.

today during a public reading of a book, I dnt speak d language so I hav no clue wat it was about. A man was reading from a passage and I’m guessing it was a sad story of some sort, and his voice starts breakin. At dt point I’m thinkin “eyyaaaah”, he pauses and composes himself. for about 10 seconds. then continues reading. then out of nowher, he starts wailing, complete with the sniffling and wiping of the nose and tears pouring down his face…*blank stare*
It was DISGUStING!! And it was as if someone begged him t continue oh, he continued his attempt t read! but no one could understand wat d hell he was sayin!
See me see wahala, some people in the crowd now started joining him to wail. Ah ahn, is it contagious?? I was frustrated, if you know u cnt compose urslf, GIV SOMEONE ELSE d book t read and excuse urslf, we wont judge! Insted of embarrasing urslf in front of pple.
Now dnt give me the ‘it-takes-a-real-man-t-cry’ card, dts utter bullshit. REAL men dnt wail in public, I’d like t think they do it in dignified ways away from prying eyes. Even me sef, i hav family members dt can swear dt my tear ducts dnt function, and I will join them t swear too…but I’ve finished snitchin on myslf on dt airport rant…but u sha get my point.
Biko, I’m not heartless, ther r some situations wher I’ll even buy you tissue and offer u my shoulder t cry on; u lost a loved one, u heard some bad news, u have a horrible injury, u’re allergic t chocolate [ ] e.t.c in those situations, I wont even open my mouth.
So ejo, MEN out ther, its not cute or even attractive for us to see u wailing lyk 2 year olds ova things lyk a sad story. I would greatly appreciate it if you call upon ur ‘macho-ness’ at dt particular hour, thank u!

*deep breath*

Now dt I’ve vented, moving on t happier (I think) topics. I’m sure by now everyone’s heard dt Disney bought Marvel. for $4 billion. I really dont kno wat t think of it. I mean I’ve always liked Marvel and hu can say no to a lil Disney magic, but together…I’m not so sure…
I mean, I’m interested in d mash up they’re gonna create. Just imagine, we’ll b having wierd animations where the hulk would have a daughter that would be locked up in a tower (but she’d have t b bald ofcourse, I dnt think all that muscle growth is gonna b conducive for dt of hair follicles) and she’ll be rescued by a prince who gets bitten by a spider and evolves into spiderman, then he’d hav t live in a castle till he finds true love’s first kiss..??

Or we can have stuff like;

the fantastic four seven dwarves

the princess and the fairy Godmotherzilla

scratch dt, the fairy god mother could b lyk d ‘batman‘, hovering over the city of ‘ever after’ saving prince & princesses in distress

*cue bad-ass theme song*

Lol, they should even hire me sef, I have loads of ideas they could use. I dnt even kno wat point I was tryna make anymore man, my imagination jst ran away with me…

At best, it can be like two of ur favourite things coming tgetha and making somethin awesome…like Chocolate & Ice cream!

On d other hand ur favourite things could be Chocolate & Chicken….EW. lets hope not.

Brad Pitt

So Brad Pitt was here, I dnt exactly know where here is, but he was around. I was tryna get across or thru the area where he was, but his fans had made it impossible. I tried t no avail, to get across, then eventually gave up and went t sit it out in one of the washroom stalls. Someone came in, used the stall beside me, and didn’t leave.

“Bloody groupies.” said a male voice

Uh oh, I thought, I’d entered the male washroom by mistake. the person wasnt making any signs of leaving so I figured I had to make my presence known to avoid any embarrassment.

“I know right?! Makes you wonder how the celebrity deal with’em daily.”
He laughed, “So you’re running from them…in here?”
“Not running per say, more like resting till they clear out.”
He laughed again, “I see…so I take it u’re not a fan of Brad Pitt?”
“Not really, I personally can’t tell the difference between him and tom Cruise…or is it Ben Affleck? I really couldn’t care less..”
“Wow.”

then there was silence.
Ok, maybe that sounded a bit dumb, so I said

“Not that there’s something wrong with them, I’m just not into celebrities and their life story…”

He still didn’t say anythin.
So I continued now

“If anything, I think they have enough on their plates hiding from malicious papparazzi not to-”

He started laughing heartily, “I’m sorry if you took my silence the wrong way, I’m just used to people talking about celebrities like they’re some sort of superheroes or gods…so this is quite…refreshing…” he paused, “I’ll tell you what, why don’t we try cutting through the crowd again? I think two can do a better job than one…and if anythin, I know a little shortcut..”
“Amen to that.”

I tidied myself up, hoping he was cute, and came out.
And it was him.
It was Brad pitt.

“Ok? So you couldn’t just say something to save me some embarrassment?”
“Like I said, it’s refreshing, and besides that sounds like something tom cruise would do, don’t you thin- oh wait, you wouldn’t kno…” He smiled.
“Touché…” I laughed “Now about that shortcourt?”

We ended up somewhere in my secondary school, he was gonna b on the school basket ball team (biko, old man like him??) and I was showing him the way to the Boys Dormitory. As soon as we got to the gate, a throng of fans surrounded him clamoring for autographs. I laughed and shook my head,

“Good luck with the groupies!”, turned and left.
He soon caught up with me, “the least you could do is let me walk you to your dorm.”
“You’re new here, you could get lost.”
“I’m supposed to be something like a superhero remember? I’ll find my way.”
“Right…but I’m sure Angelina would object.”

At this point, the dream gets fuzzy and involves a pair of leopard print pumps…but I can’t remember details…*sigh* the crap we dream about…